


One step at a time

by Gloredhel



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Continuation, Coming Out, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Post-Season/Series, Romance, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloredhel/pseuds/Gloredhel
Summary: Spring Awakening opening night is over and Simon doesn't want to lie to himself anymore. And neither to Jeremy.Or what happens when the curtain falls.
Relationships: Simon Saunders/Jeremy Travers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	One step at a time

**Author's Note:**

> I had many versions of this scene in my mind and it took me a while - a year and a half - to finally put it down in words. Maybe it's weird to do it now, after so much time since the episode aired, but since I never stopped thinking about this, I felt I had to eventually write it. That's like a "sign" for me when it comes to writing 😄 
> 
> Thank you for reading it, I hope you enjoy it 😊

The curtain had just closed, after the last echoes of the thunderous applause had faded and the audience of friends, families and Stanton students was leaving the theatre; they weren't clapping anymore, but they were still talking to each other about the show they had just seen, amazed and moved by its powerful message, the music and by how much every actor had put their hearts into it. Probably no one was still thinking that Mr Mazzu's choice was inappropriate, because they had seen the result and they had loved it, it seemed.

Simon, standing still on the other side of the curtain, couldn't pick out the words, of course, but he could hear the buzz – like a background noise to the way louder chaos that was happening on stage around him. None of the troupe had bothered to change after the bows and, still in costume, they had fallen out and were now chatting, jumping and running around, laughing and hugging each other, happy and excited for the show. The band had joined them too, while Mr Mazzu instead, still holding the flowers, had immediately pulled Tracey aside and then they had both desappeared following the Principal and the Superintendent Lewis outside the auditorium.

Simon still felt the adrenaline rushing, the electricity he had experienced through the whole show as it had never happened before; yet he couldn't share his feelings with the rest of the troupe, it seemed, maybe because for him it had been like a revelation, something more than just another show.

They were all still lined for the bows when the realization of having to face the outside world – meaning his family – had hit him and now his head was full of thoughts, a mix of excitement and worry. But of one thing he was certain: he didn't regret anything of what he had done on that stage.

Kissing Jeremy! He had been terrified at first and this close to not doing it at all, but then something had shifted and not only in his performance, but in himself. Maybe because it was normal and okay to do that on stage, it had become so in real life too, for him. He couldn't say. God knew how difficult it had been for him, but right now he knew that he couldn't go back and even if it's not like it was a breeze already, still it was more like _adjusting_ to this new reality, rather than accepting it.

With himself, at least. Now, telling the rest of the world? Facing their reaction? One step at a time, he thought.

Someone passed by running and bumped into him – it was Violet – interrupting his thoughts.

“Oh sorry, Simon!”

“That's fine.”

She stared at him, questioning. “Are you okay?” she said. “All by yourself, so serious...”

“Yeah, don't worry,” he shook his head, smiling. “I'm just, you know...still a little overwhelmed, I guess.”

“I get it, I mean what we did was amazing, right? Oh, and you were terrific.”

“Thanks.”

“Especially the scene with Jeremy. You were both awesome, really.”

Simon felt his cheeks heating up. “Thank you...yeah, he's great, I've been lucky to have him as Ernst, he's...breathtaking,” he said the last word in a whisper, staring at him from a distance.

Without even realizing, as soon as Violet had mentioned his name, Simon had scanned the stage looking for him. After the bows they had shared just a shy smile; Simon wanted to say so many things, but he didn't know where to start, so he ended up saying nothing until Francis called Jeremy from a distance and he remained there alone. Then he got lost in his thoughts and lost Jeremy too, among all the people on stage.

But now there he was, upstage left, surrounded by Francis, Cheryl, Jolene, Clark and a couple of band members, Simon couldn't remember the name. Jeremy was laughing – seriously, how could he be so handsome? And funny? Simon thought, as his heart raced.

“Hello? Simon? Are you there?”

He shook his head. “Uh?” he asked, looking back at Violet who was waving her hand in front of his face.

“You don't feel like talking, do you?” she laughed. “What were you looking at?” She turned and spotted Jeremy. “Oh, I see...”

“See what?” Simon asked as nonchalant as possible and trying to ignore that weird expression on Violet's face.

“Nothing...never mind. See you, Simon,” and with that she turned around and joined Harmony and Sasha who were chatting in the wings.

Simon sighed and loosened his tie, a little flushed at the mere idea that Violet might have imagined...was it that obvious? Probably, because, if he had been able to control himself until then, now that something had changed inside of him, well...he wasn't so sure he could keep doing it. Or maybe he didn't even want to.

Instinctively he laid eyes on Jeremy again and the other guy, by dint of being looked at, eventually noticed and gazed at him. Simon's heart started pounding and it got even worse when Jeremy smiled at him; his knees turned into jelly as he found himself smiling back. He knew Jeremy had a clue of what he did to him, but...maybe it was about time to telling him for real.

One step at a time, right? He felt he was ready to take the first one.

He took a deep breath and went towards the group of friends, who greeted him with a chorus of “Simon! Where were you?” and compliments for his performance. He thanked them and told them they had been great too, then he met Jeremy's eyes.

“Hey, uhm...can I talk to you for a sec?” he managed to say, praying not to sound too awkward, or, worse, to blush.

“Sure,” Jeremy replied and walked a few steps away from the rest of the group.

“Not here,” Simon said, looking around. No one was paying attention to them, but the stage was still too crowded.

“Oh. Okay, uhm...lead on, then,” Jeremy smiled.

Simon couldn't know, but his heart wasn't the only one racing. Jeremy could still feel Simon's hands on his face and the kisses – oh well, those were out of this world, especially the quick, soft one that wasn't scripted, but that Simon had given to him at the end of the song.

It wasn't for the show, it was just for them, and Jeremy had lost his mind; he wanted to talk with Simon, but during the show he couldn't find a moment and after the bows it looked like he didn't want to talk, so Jeremy had thought he wanted to be alone. Maybe he just needed some time?

Head full of thoughts – should I mention that unscripted kiss? And that I loved it? And that I can't stop thinking about him? But what if he freaks out and leave? and so on - he followed him backstage. They passed by the green room and the boys dressing room, but Simon kept going, turning now and then to check if he was still behind him.

“Where are we going?”

“We're almost there,” Simon replied. He didn't exactly know where to go, actually, there were people everywhere. At some point they ended up in the empty alleys of the school and Simon decided to enter the first empty classroom they encountered.

“Close the door, please,” he said, turning on the lights – dim, as several neon lamps were broken.

“Oh. Okay. So, what did you want to–”

But he couldn't finish. Right after closing the door, Jeremy felt Simon cupping his face with both hands and kissing him. It took him a few seconds to realize what was happening, but as soon as he did...he let himself go.

If the previous kisses had already been amazing, this one was perfect. Simon's lips were soft, warm and still with a light taste of honey, the flavor of his chopstick; he was passionate but also gentle at the same time and, most of all, he had no intention to stop until they were both out of breath.

Jeremy pressed himself to him even more as they slowed down, savoring each other as if they had all the time in the world and no one outside possibly looking for them; like the world outside didn't exist at all.

After who knows how long, Jeremy put his hands over Simon's and pulled away, but their foreheads still touched.

“Damn,” he breathed, panting, “I love talking with you.”

“Me too,” Simon said and both chuckled, but neither of them moved. Their eyes were still closed.

“If I open my eyes now, you're not going to disappear, right?” Jeremy asked, “it's not a dream, is it?”

“It's real and I'm not going anywhere.”

Jeremy's mouth quirked. “Good,” and he pulled away a little more, opening his eyes and putting his arms around Simon's waist.

“Okay, uhm...” he gazed at him. Simon's eyes twinkled, “this was–”

“Out of nowhere, I know. You're probably like hey, he ran away at the parking lot and now he kisses me? And you're right because it's crazy, isn't it? I've been terrified of being gay the whole time and I was this close to not doing the scene on stage, but eventually I did because I saw you there, I saw us and my life and it felt so right, so I thought that I could do it – do it in real life too, even if my parents won't approve, because this is me and if I take one step at a time, I mean, everyone does it, so why can't I? So…”

A kiss hushed him.

“Beautiful. This was beautiful, that's what I wanted to say,” Jeremy said.

“Oh,” Simon blushed, “was I rambling too much?”

“Just a little,” Jeremy laughed.

“Sorry...”

“It's okay.”

“I'll try again,” Simon sighed and sat on one of the desks, right in front of Jeremy. “What I meant was...I don't want to lie anymore. Not to myself and especially not to you...I'm...I'm gay,” he said in one breath. “I tried to deny it because I thought it was wrong and I was scared, but I guess it's worse to live the life of someone else, someone who isn't me. And tonight, on stage, I felt that being me isn't that bad after all.”

“During our scene?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “The moment we started, I just knew. Sure, I felt my parents' eyes on me and I told you, until a moment before I wasn't sure I could make it, but then...everything was so normal and beautiful, with you. It made me feel good...and I want to keep feeling that way, every day of my life. I want this. I want us and not just pretend,” he smiled.

“Really?” Jeremy's eyes widened, but it wasn't just that – they were glowing. “Is that why you kissed me at the end of the scene?” he shily asked. “It wasn't scripted.”

Simon nodded and reached for Jeremy's hand, intertwining their fingers. “It's not what I always imagined my life would be, but I wouldn't have it any other way, now.”

“I...I want us too. So bad. All I think about is you and I know that I said we could be friends, I still mean it, but I dream of being with you since the first time I saw you, so...” Jeremy blushed.

“You made it pretty much clear, I think,” Simon joked, but Jeremy darkened and lowered his eyes biting his lip.

“I'm sorry for that,” he uttered.

“Sorry?”

“For pushing you when I should have known better and for making you feel uncomfortable. Oh, and also for acting like a jealous boyfriend.”

“I sent you mixed signals, so it wasn't entirely your fault and–”

“But I shouldn't have done it anyway. I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay,” he nodded and suddenly Jeremy hugged him. Simon was surprised, but how good it was to be in his arms! He wished they could stay that way forever and wondered how he could have been scared by him, when he felt like home, now.

“Will you forgive me?” Jeremy pleaded.

“I already did,” Simon replied and held him tighter.

“Thank you.”

They stayed like that for a while, without talking, Simon resting his head on Jeremy's shoulder. There were so many things Jeremy wanted to say and do. He wanted to dance with Simon, he wanted to make him laugh, to mess with his hair, to caress his face. But holding him was the best thing, something he had thought would have never happened.

Neither of them wanted to go back to the other friends and family, but they both knew soon they would have noticed their absence, so, at some point, Simon reluctantly pulled away.

“I think we should go, now,” he said, sadly. “I don't want to, but we have to.”

“Can't we just stay here a little longer?” Jeremy grumbled. “Just a little bit.”

“They're surely looking for us and your family is out there waiting for you,” Simon smiled, trying to sound playful, but not completely pulling it off. Jeremy noticed it.

“And...and yours? Are you afraid to face them?” he ventured.

Simon sighed. “About the show I don't know, maybe yes, just a little? My mom looked so happy during the bows, I saw her, but my dad I don't think so. He left.”

“Oh.”

“I'm sure he'll have plenty to say as soon as we're home, but I'm not surprised, really. I can handle him bearing a grudge about the show, I'm kinda used to that, lately. Anyways”–he shook his head, as if to chase away a bad though–“I'm not talking to them about me tonight, I need a little more courage for that. I don't exactly expect hugs and kisses, you know?”

He lowered his head for an instant and then raised it again, his mouth twitched. He wanted to show he didn't care much, that he was strong, that he could handle whatever reaction from his parents – especially when he'd have found the courage to talk about himself. But Jeremy knew it wasn't true and he wished he could give him the strength he needed and chase away the fear, the dark clouds, the sadness.

“Hey,” he took his hand. “I’m here, you know, right? If you need to talk or vent or help. Or someone to cheer you up or hugging you when you're sad. Whether it's about your parents or you or anything else, just know that I'm here. Even in the middle of the night. Always.”

Simon looked at him with watery eyes. “Thanks...it means a lot,” he said, thinking that now, maybe, even talking with his parents looked less scary. Just a little bit, but still knowing he had Jeremy was such a great comfort to him.

“Okay, now we really have to go, unfortunately,” Simon said, squeezing quickly Jeremy's hand and heading towards the door. Jeremy grabbed him by his arm just the moment before he opened it.

“Hey, listen, I was thinking...do you want to go on a date with me? We don't have to go to Volpe or anything like that, we can go to the movies or stay home if you want,” he looked hopefully at him. Until then his moves towards Simon had never worked out very well, after all.

The butterflies in Simon's stomach fluttered. “Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to. The movies, I like it. Maybe we can go to Lilette's diner and eat something too, before that.”

Jeremy beamed. “Sounds perfect.”

Then he leaned in and kissed him, hardly believing it wasn't a dream. It was supposed to be quick, a kiss-and-go, and Jeremy really wanted to make it like that, but...kissing Simon was the most beautiful thing, so how could he?

Not that Simon seemed to be bothered, though. He had pressed his body against Jeremy's, immediately reciprocating.

But at some point, Jeremy felt Simon's lips smiling. “What?” he asked with his eyes closed, between kisses.

“I said we had to go and you're trying to make me change my mind.”

“Is it working?”

“Mmh...yes. Almost,” Simon pulled away and pointed at him, “No,” he laughed.

Jeremy laughed too. “Okay. I surrender,” and he put his hands up, “we have plenty of time.”

“Sure,” Simon smiled, “I can't wait.”

“Me too,” he paused. A question was buzzing around in his head. “So...are you telling the troupe or…?”

“Not all at once, I...need some time for that. Maybe I can tell Lilette first and then the others...I don't know, I still have to figure it out. It's all so new. One step at a time.” He smiled.

“Yeah. Of course. One step at a time,” he took Simon's hand, “I'm not rushing you, believe me.”

“I know.” They looked in each other's eyes and both hearts speeded up a little.

“'C’mon, let's go,” Simon said, opening the door, then he followed Jeremy out of the classroom.

They were almost to the boys dressing room when Jeremy stopped. “Everything's gonna be okay,” he said, gazing at Simon, “maybe not so easy, some days, but...things get better. Trust me, they do.”

Simon nodded. “I know. But I got you, so...I can face everything.”

Jeremy beamed in response and as they eventually entered the dressing room, Simon felt that it was the truth.


End file.
